Flight Attendants, for the most part, are poised, polite and outgoing, with just enough reserve. They aren’t easily shaken, and are trained not to wear their emotions on their sleeves. Their feathers aren’t ruffled easily, or so we’re fooled to think! Ever wonder what sort of things have the power to burrow under their tough skin? We asked our resident flight attendant, Stephen, what irritates him (and his colleagues) during a flight. Check out the hilarious list of situational annoyances he came up with:
- “Sir/madam, we need electronic devices switched off for takeoff— thanks.” …2 mins later… “Sir we really need your mobile phone OFF before takeoff” …moments later… “SIR, sir, I need to give the captain the secure for take off… PLEASE can you switch off now!!?” - In other words, please turn your devices off when asked.
- When passengers decide to get engrossed in looking at a film or out the window when the drinks trolley is at the row, but moan/complain that we haven’t offered a drink. Clearly we have, but that bloody cloud was so much more interesting. - If you know you want a drink, don’t become engaged in other things when the drink cart is meant to surface.
- “Would you like a drink madam?”
Passenger: “What do you have?”
“A selection of cold drinks, juices, tea and coffee”
Passenger: “Do you have green tea?”
“No madam; only black tea.”
Passenger: “Hmm… um, I’ll have a Coke… no, make that a Sprite; is it cold? Do you have wine? And can I have a coffee as well? (Turns to husband) Jack, what do u want? Can I have a glass of water as well? And a tomato juice…? ”
TEN minutes later, 200 other passengers to serve and 5 drinks that can’t fit onto the tiny table … GET YOUR OWN PRIVATE JET!!
- Don’t stack your meal tray with bits from your handbag, rubbish from the terminal, or stuff from the person sitting next to you and expect us to fit it all into the tiny space on the trolley from which it came.
- Don’t get sick in the bathroom and leave it … Use the toilet and clean up after yourself!
- We love a chat but pick your moments— we’re not interested in knowing your dirty laundry and sordid affairs whilst we prep to serve passengers and the galley is a war zone… Or when were having a break and want some peace!
- Drunkenness. Stoned. High. General and various forms of being off your tits. Don’t do it. This just means we have to watch you like a hawk or call the police to meet the aircraft, which means more work for us. Fly controllably buzzed or sober please, alcohol goes to your head quicker due to the lack of oxygen In the cabin.
- Don’t take pictures or video us during the safety demo.
- Big groups of rowdy teenagers, clambering all over each other constantly: Sit down. Behave.
- No… we won’t lift your insanely heavy bag. You packed it and got it this far. Now lift it your damn self— you won’t be pushing me around in my wheelchair when my back is screwed up.
- Back to vomiting. Please don’t projectile over one of us. (True story that happened to a coworker/friend: She had to be offloaded and get given a change of clothes).
- Lack of basic manners (Sorry, but Americans are the worst … They just bark orders at you with no please, or thanks). It’s simple: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.
- Save the masturbation until you reach your final destination. We can see your blanket going up and down— Sweaty freak!
- Ding. “Have you got a pillow?” Ding. “Have you got a blanket?” Ding. “Can I have some water?” Ding. “Can you turn the heating up?” Ding. “It’s quite warm in the cabin.” Ding. Ding. Ding!!! The call bell is not to be abused… (See number 3).
- Stewardesses aren’t here for you to treat like a stripper at a club… And no, please don’t smack us on the bum to get our attention… (This happens more often than you think). Not that kind of party!
Amusing, but scarily accurate. I don’t know how many times I have been on a flight and witnessed these exact things happening. It’s horrific, the way people act on airplanes. I’ve been on flights where patrons raided the food stations to fix their own drinks, invaded the flight attendant cabins because they were lonely and needed to chat, got obscenely drunk only to vomit all over the isle (luckily there were a few empty seats elsewhere for the unlucky people in that isle), and I’ve witnessed the rude, highly entitled-yet-sitting-in-coach passengers who seem to get off on trying to boss around others. So the next time you’re on an airplane, think about this list and be the explemplary passenger flight attendants love to service. Who knows— they may even bump you up to Business or First Class. Mindful Travels! — VJ